The 500+ Best Means Jokes

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? A pair of gloves! Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: your both!

Girlfriend: what do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!

I have sexdaily, I mean dyslexia, fcuk

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.

Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you." Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"

Don't say your life is a joke because jokes have meaning.

This is NOT my joke i found it on google its a texting joke Mom:Son youre grandma just passed away LOL Son:mom what do you mean LOL that means laughing out loud Mom:oh no i thought that meant lots of love i have to text everyone back!!!!

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That's means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son his father.

"It means 'happy'," replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: "Well...We're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny's father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" HIs father is confused. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

Rules of Dark humor: 1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits. 2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes. 3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site. - Sincerely, Zane

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford. Fat, mean and probably inbred.

The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"