Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: your both!

Girlfriend: what do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!

“I’m sorry” and “I apologise” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? A pair of gloves! Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning

I have sexdaily, I mean dyslexia, fcuk

Rules of Dark humor:

1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying “Me” or “My Life” as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don’t Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

• Sincerely, Zane

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.

Dont say your life is a joke because jokes got meaning.

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: …

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

In my spare time I help blind children. – I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That’s means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, “Here you are a fine African meal.” then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, “what poor taste?”

It’s sad because with all these mean jokes Stephen hawkings can’t even Stand up for himself

you

Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours