A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah.
Jack got high, slapped her thigh, and then they had some fun.
Jill forgot to take her pills, and now they have a son.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "Yes," and lifted up her dress. Then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
Father O'Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. "Ah, Mary Agnes, congratulations!"
She gave him a puzzled look. "On what?"
"Your mother tells me you've been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it's a miracle."
Mary Agnes sighed. "My mother needs to get hearing aids if she's going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it'll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I'm fucking is a St. Bernard."
Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in a different box.
Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!
