when your wife gets pregnet and you dont want a kid just come on down to momma mias pizzareia and abortion clinic!
if babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born.
what is more time consuming than children? waiting for your'e wife to go into labor!
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
Whats better than throwing up a stillborn? Making your wife eat it again
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate. Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so called “rise in teen pregnancy.”
Wanna know something funny? Well there was this one time when my parents were talking about their marriage. Then after the wedding, they decided to make a joke and then 9 months later I was born. My birthday. (4/1/06) April 1, 2006
A blonde, redhead and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.
After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"
The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"
The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"
"Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.
The three go back to conversing and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.
"What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.
"I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.
"Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.
"I was on top!"
All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.
"Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.
"I'm having puppies!"
why did the goat have an abortion? because she already had too many kids!
I don't like condoms but I like gay pregnant X
A husband came back from business trip and found out that she was pregnant at first he got a bit suspicious but then he just ignore And hugs his wife with happiness the second when he meet his friend and tell him the news the friend just said " wait what I thought she was on pill"
The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. "It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!"
a Woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
Mary had a great big ram his fleece was white as snow when on hands and knees our Mary went his wad was sure to blow
Month by month her belly grew increasing in it's girth and when five months had flown by our Mary did give birth
And Mary had a little lamb a little lamb, a little lamb....
So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said “sally it’ll be ok I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson” “yeah thanks suzy” she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom I’ll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands “oh hello. Is that Sally’s son!! Can I see sally?” Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone “here lies sally 2004-2020” so I ask her mom in tears “oh did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied “you could say that..”
A womens knitters group is having a meeting and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies. One woman says "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system". Another knitter says "I'm taking Folic acid to help my baby's brain". Finally one woman says "I'm taking Thalidomide". All the women turn to her and say "Thalidomide ! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?" The woman shrugs her shoulders and says "I don't know how to knit arms". (Told to me by a woman knitter)
So this women had a job she wanted to hang out with her boyfriend the she lied about having corona virus then she got out of work then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend then she said i lied now we can you no water sigh lick sigh then her boss texted Ew and YOUR FIRED. one more story one day this teen named alexis got kicked out of a house then went to live with her bf then she got pregnant posted it all on social media
After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”.
The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair”.
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news”. The doctor replies, “He’s dead”.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun, and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
(wow two pregnancy jokes in a row)
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"
