Pregnancy jokes

Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."

Baby: "Lmao, same"

What does an abortion joke and a fetus have in common... The joke never gets old, and neither does the kid.

Jokers are all about the delivery.

Except abortion jokes...

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

What's more useless than a broken condom? A fetus resulting from a broken condom.

Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...

And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.

Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.

What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

What starts with M and ends with arriage?

Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?

Neither does the child.

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...

I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

Guys, my sister's pregnant!

I'm finally a dad!

What day are twins born the most?

Toos-day.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.