Pregnancy Jokes

What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

When is rape normal?

When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

The image shows two drawings of people. On the left, there's a woman with orange hair in a ponytail, wearing a black top. On the right, there's a man with purple hair, glasses and an angry face with mouth open. The text on the image reads: "Only Females can get Pregnant" above the woman, and "SOURCE!?!" below the man.

Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.

Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.

What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.

Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?

A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.

The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."

The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."

The condom just sitting there laughing.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so they could fuck in the water. But Jack forgot to use protection and now they have a daughter.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"