Pregnancy jokes

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

Yo, everyone! My sis is pregnant, and I’m gonna be a dad!

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

When is rape normal?

When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.

Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.

Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?

A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.

The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."

The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."

The condom just sitting there laughing.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.

Jokers are all about the delivery.

Except abortion jokes...