Pregnancy jokes
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Abortions = yeetis of the fetus.
A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.
Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."
Woman: "What's the bad news?"
Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"
Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"
Dr: "It's dead!"
What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"