Pregnancy jokes

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in a different box.

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

What's red, small, wet, and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

When is rape normal?

When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.

Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?

A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.

What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"

My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.

What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.

Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.

The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."

The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."

The condom just sitting there laughing.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"