Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)
Pop Culture Jokes
Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.
Your mama so ugly that even Rick Astley had to give her up.
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide Squad!
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...
His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?
The low ground.
It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title?
Finding Emo.
Chuck Norris and Medusa had a staring contest. Medusa turned to stone.
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.
I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.
Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball and caught 'em all.
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
Suicide squad.
