What do you call a dictatorial cow?
Moosilini.
Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.
North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
Why is Trump bad with America? Because he made it scream.
Trump, must I say more?
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.
