Politics jokes
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To run away from the Pakistani.
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
"You're the bomb"—a compliment in the USA.
An argument in the Middle East.
Hillary Clinton
Trump.
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?
Because he did nazi it coming!
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
What did the trumpet say to Trump?
"Hi, fellow trumpet!"
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles.
"Ah, eagles," said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.
Who's Hitler's best friend? Nazis me.
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
Women's rights.