Police jokes

New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.

Haway Five O.

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

Here’s one for the Aussies: What’s the difference between an echidna and a police car? All the pricks are on the inside.

*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....

What came first? The chicken or the egg?

Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?

Who taught the first ever teacher?

If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?

If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?

In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?

Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?

How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?

The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?

Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?

Is it possible to cry underwater?

If two left handers have an argument, who is right?

I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!

Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.

Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.

Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).

I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].

I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?

The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.

My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?

Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D

Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?

Me: Call The Police Ka!!!

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.

Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.

Why do the police never catch the orphan?

The orphan is not wanted.

What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?

The pig smells better.

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!