Play jokes
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.
If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?
Why don't orphans know how to play baseball? Because they don't know where how is.
What is illegal in Africa? Water guns.
Took me about 15 seconds of staring in confusion to figure out how the illusion worked
Why does the Queen play poker on the toilet?
Because she always gets a Royal flush!
More random keyboard words made into sentences:
This was a joke that was made by someone who had never been to the game before, but who was the first person to make it into a game of game with the intention of being able to play the first person who played it.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
Chuck Norris doesn't play video games. Video games play Chuck Norris.
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.