Play jokes
When they say beat that pussy, I don’t play so punch it.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
What kind of trumpet are you playing?
An "Donald Trumpet"!
An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag? She lost her ass playing poker...
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”
Anyone play Roblox?
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
My friend and I were playing Poker... And my friend also beat me with Jackass.
What instrument do orphans play?
The sax alone.
What were the twin towers plains?
God's playing Jenga.
Playing a game called 7-Up.
Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?
Teacher: It's cheating!
Student: No! It's the object of the game.
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...