Physiology jokes
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
Why don't butts get along?
Because they can't stand each other's cheek!
What's the Fastest 20000 Meter Dash a Human Can Run?
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life.
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
How much do the bones in your body weigh? A skele-ton!
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Why didn't the skeleton follow his dreams? He was too gutless.
My shirt is only red when I think about sex.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
Why are skeletons not funny? Because they have no humor. 🤣
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.