What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, a house can't jump.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
Did you ever walk into Steve Hawking's house?
"No."
He hasn't too.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.
What's Stephen Hawking's wife called? Wendy.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite lunch? Eggs and shoulders.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
What did the atom say to the positive in math class? "We could make a positive number!"
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
