A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
Physics Jokes
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, a house can't jump.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
Atoms are untrustworthy little critters. They make everything up!
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
I would tell you a science joke, but I know I won't get a reaction.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
Did you ever walk into Steve Hawking's house?
"No."
He hasn't too.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Oh, wait, he doesn’t walk.
What's Stephen Hawking's wife called? Wendy.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite lunch? Eggs and shoulders.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
