Physicist jokes
Steven Hawking walks into a bar... no, I'm just kidding.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
What sound did Stephen Hawking make when he died? Power off.
What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?
The blue screen of death.
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
I wonder if Stephen Hawking has ever watched Avengers: Endgame... Oh wait, he can't.
What was Stephen Hawking's name before he got his disease?
Stephen Walkins.
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
What did Stephen Hawking's computer say when he died?
"ERROR"
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
1 "Knock knock."
2 "Who's there?"
1 "Interrupting physicist."
2 "Interrupting who?"
1 "Muon!!!"