Physicist jokes
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
Stand? Wait. No.
Hi Stephen. Are you a vegetarian?
Well, you are partly right—I'm a vegetable.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.
If half of Stephen Hawking's house was painted red and half was painted blue, what color were the stairs?
He didn't have any.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.
His nose runs.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
When Stephen Hawking's teacher asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He said, "Six foot four."
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
Which is the odd one out? FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, HORSE.
Horse, of course — the rest can't walk.
Where was Stephen Hawking born?
Under a coconut tree.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with David Beckham?
They both dribble.
It's true, you know. Stephen Hawking has been up more ramps than Evel Knievel.
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.