Physicist jokes
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
1 "Knock knock."
2 "Who's there?"
1 "Interrupting physicist."
2 "Interrupting who?"
1 "Muon!!!"
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!
It's true, you know. Stephen Hawking has been up more ramps than Evel Knievel.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
What did the neutrino say to the planet?
"Just passing through."
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What do you call Stephen Hawking in a burning building?
Hot Wheels.
Man, I’m so sorry that Stephen Hawking is dead; he was such a good person.
Too bad it’s a staircase to Heaven and not a ramp.
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now?
No, because he is dead.
So, Stephen Hawking walked into a bar—oh, wait a minute! Rewind!
So, Stephen Hawking rolled into a bar......
Yes, Stephen Hawking is alive.
YEET!
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."