Physicist jokes
Hi Stephen. Are you a vegetarian?
Well, you are partly right—I'm a vegetable.
Hi. My name's Stephen Hawking. What's your disability?
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
It's true, you know. Stephen Hawking has been up more ramps than Evel Knievel.
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with David Beckham?
They both dribble.
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
Where was Stephen Hawking born?
Under a coconut tree.
Which is the odd one out? FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, HORSE.
Horse, of course — the rest can't walk.
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
When Stephen Hawking's teacher asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He said, "Six foot four."
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.
His nose runs.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
Why are batteries quicker than Stephen Hawking?
Because they can run out.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.
If half of Stephen Hawking's house was painted red and half was painted blue, what color were the stairs?
He didn't have any.
Stephen Hawking can't walk the walk or talk the talk.