Personal Jokes

What do u call a person who keeps making jokes about rappers? An annoying prick whos black dad left him as a kid

whats the diference between a dead person and a walkie talkie

a dead person does not walkie or talkie

Hey I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive, unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you at least.

A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.

Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.

Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo

A rapist, pedifile, and a priest walk into a bar He orders a beer

Same person

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friends grandpa is in the house

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline. The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me." a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"