Person jokes
I am Cummer.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Stephen.
Can't you read? It says "No Hawking."
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Beau is gay.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?
Con Fuckacarcass.
You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Person: Why? You: No.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Depressed person: *chokes on food*
*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*
"AWWW! I failed the race!"
A new burger has been invented in memory of Stephen Hawking. I doubt it will sell though, as it's 95% cabbage.
🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦁🦁🦁🐩🐖🐒🐷🐵🐎+/;!¥/%? Fuckfuckfuuk of your own is also a joke about your relationship with Google and Twitter users who don't know what they think of their own personal life, and the way they have been involved since the last few years of debate is the only thing.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
Stephen Hawking like black willies.
A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.
On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.
The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."
The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."