Person jokes

Ashten Parkes

Beau is gay.

Stephen Hawking like black willies.

A new burger has been invented in memory of Stephen Hawking. I doubt it will sell though, as it's 95% cabbage.

What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?

A wheel dealer.

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."

What do you say when a person trips?

You say, "Why you trippin'?"

Person one: What did the DJ name his son?

Person two: IDK, what?

Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.

The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.

Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.

The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.

Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.

The person I hate: Rood.

Me: Shut up.

You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."

Rich person: "Then buy a house!"

You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”

*Apple bottom jeans plays*

Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

One stops sucking when you slap it.

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.