Person jokes
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.
When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.
What does the depressed person say to the happy person?
"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows. No body, nose.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
What’s one thing that a gay person is scared of?
A gay guy that’s straight!
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.
(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
What do you call a white person from Africa?
Albino.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.