What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.
Person Jokes
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
Yo mama is so fat, she has her own personal gravity.
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
Someone asked me my gender... I said, "Woah, man."
Why is a sick person and California similar? They tend to burn up.
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
I will pay someone to kill me.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What do you tell a depressed person?
Just hang in there!
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink? A dipresso espresso.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
