Person jokes
I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.
If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.
I will give the person credit each joke I do.
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
"Watch out, there's an iceberg!"
Other person: "We will be fine."
10 minutes later, drowns, says, "We will be fine."
Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*
Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^
Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
A random drunk person ate poop, but he found out it was liquid...
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
Q: What did the person who invented the door knocker get?
A: A no-bell prize.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)