People jokes
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
How do fat people settle arguments?
By bumping into each other to see who falls over first.
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
Guys, don’t let nobody hurt you with words.
Like someone once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
What do depressed people use for emotions online?
They use EMOjis.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.
The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"
Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill? An avalanche.
What about Mexicans you may ask? A mudslide.
What about black people running down a hill?? A jailbreak.
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.