People jokes
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
What do depressed people use for emotions online?
They use EMOjis.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
Memes
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make Black people run faster.
The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺
How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?
Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.