People

People jokes

Bible

  • The pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales.

    A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service.

    "I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..."

    "That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door throughout the community and sell what you can. You can give these away, but donations are always accepted since the word of God is the most important message."

    "T-t-t-t-th-th-th-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father... i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll s-s-s-s-se-se-sell what I c-c-c-cc-can..."

    The pastor sends the man on his way.

    About an hour later to the pastor's surprise, the stuttering man returns with an empty box and $200 cash.

    The pastor is completely shocked, but is ultimately filled with joy as the church could use the funds more than ever, not to mention the community is that much closer to God's message.

    So without asking questions, he happily sends the stuttering man on his way with 2 more boxes of Bibles.

    "T-t-t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th-tha-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father, i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll be back s-s-s-s-s-soo-soo-soo-soon."

    Exactly 2 hours later the stuttering man returns, only this time carrying 2 empty boxes and $500 cash.

    The pastor is at a loss for words. So much so, that he's questioning whether the stuttering man is coming across these funds legitimately.

    He pulls the man aside and asks, "Son, while myself and the church thank you for your efforts in selling these bibles, we want to make sure not to take advantage of common people. Most of my volunteers take upwards of a month to sell a single box of Bibles, and you've sold 3 boxes in a few hours. May I ask what you're telling these people when you approach their home?"

    "W-w-w-w-we-we-well f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father it-it-it-it-its qui-q-q-q-qui-quite s-s-s-s-s-s-si-sim-simple."

    "I ju-ju-ju-ju-just ask the-the-th-th-th-the-them if th-th-th-th-the-the-they'd l-l-l-l-li-li-li-li-lik-like to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-buy a b-b-b-bi-bi-bi-bible or if they w-w-w-w-w-wa-wa-wa-wan-want me to re-re-re-rea-read it to them."

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  • Straight

  • I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

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  • Food

  • A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!

    B: Thank you.

    A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!

    Oral

  • It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.

    Weird.

    Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.

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  • Dark Humor

  • What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

    What do you call ten lesbians in a room together? Fingerhut.

    What do you call two lesbians in a closet together? A liquor cabinet.

    What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and fifty congressmen? 100 people who don't do dick.

    Why don't women wear miniskirts in the winter? 'Cause they would get chapped lips.

    What do a cliff jumper and a gay man have in common? If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit.

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