When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
People Jokes
What do emos and the Lorax have in common?
They both hang with trees.
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
Follow me if you need advice, or just follow me.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
In my free time, I like to help blind people.
Verb, not adjective.
There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
