Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
People Jokes
People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.
Abdi and Tunde are real.
Mom, why was I adopted?
Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!
Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
My question is, how do fat people fit in tuxedos? Honestly, don’t wear those. Wear your regular clothes. Your belly is just gonna pop out!
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Why are people joking about this stuff?
Why are you sad?
I’m depressed. I know black people could cry.
Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.
And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.
What is Alan Turing's reincarnation doing?
Getting revenge for what some people said about him being gay.
Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"
The happier they get, the less they see.
Why don't headless people have a head in class?
Because they know that they will be ahead of the class. XD
