Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.
In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."
Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
"Stop, that's mean! You're making fun of people with Down syndrome!"
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
People might not laugh at my jokes, or have a reaction at all, but I'd explode with euphoria.
Periodically, people might laugh every now and then.
Video games don't make people violent, lag does.
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
There are millions of people in the world, yet you are here.
9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse.
2 people bought plants.
3 people bought shovels.
1 person yelled.
3 people left Bunnings Warehouse.
1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired! 💁♀️🤦♀️
Which country of the world has the poorest/most hungry people?
Answer: Hungary
