Penis jokes

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?

I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.

Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.

What did the penis say to its pee?

"Urine."

*funny joke about dicks*

A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "I gagged."

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?

A penis always goes in the hole.

Kyle's penis is small.

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

What do you call the penises of gay men that are in wheelchairs?

Meals on wheels 😋😍🌭🌭🌭🌭🌭

Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.

What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏