Penis jokes
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet." "Yeah, that's the one!"
School reminds me of a penis. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.
Pope Francis: "What is the hardest thing about nailing a young boy to a cross?"
"My penis."
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?" Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
What did the penis say to its pee?
"Urine."
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
Us: haha penis.
Korea: That sounds like a park name.
Skidaddle skidoodle, your dick is now a noodle!
Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.
"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Why do men have penises? They gotta shut women up somehow.
Welcome to Mississippi.
Hahaha, you have no PP!
You're mum.
A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
I think my penis has facial recognition.