In the hospital they need to keep the disabled patients rooms cooler than the other patients rooms. Why? They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
Doctor: "What's your zodiac sign?"
Patient: "Cancer?"
Doctor: "What a coincidence."
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this. But the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
doctor: you need to eat healthy
me: no
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died
me: oh my goodness
doctor: in a plane crash
me: that sounds unrelated
doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me
Whats an asthma patient’s least favourite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten. Man: Weeks? Months? Days? Doctor Nine, eight, seven...
Doctor: u have cancer. Patient: will i survive? Doctor: prolly not
What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?
"I C D K"
You know what I see?
DICK
I got evicted from the hospital today For telling all the patients to stay positive! What a negative effect!
why did go to the chiropractors? to get his spine fixed
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said “Celsius.”
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh don't worry, mine too!!
One time a kid came to the hospital and said “I really need help”, the kid said he was really hot so the put an ice cold towel on him. Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems and he said “yes I am really hot” and the doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said “are you sure, you look amazing” and the kid said that he ment to say I look hot!
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life so he shot him then the judge gave him 15 years so there you go problem solved.
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient. He was a great vet.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.” Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife.”
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
Went to the doctor told him Ive been having dreams first about a wigwam then about a teepee he said I was 2 tents
Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:👁👄👁🖕
