Pass jokes

What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?

Smoking.

Snover1: You can't pass through Snow Way!

Squirtle: Why can't I pass through Snow Way?

Snover1: There's snow in the way.

Snover2: Yeah, you can't get past through the snow while it's on the way, to continuous.

Squirtle: What? There's snow in here the whole time. What is this? Snow Society?!

"AAAAARRRGGH!!"

Squirtle: Who is that?

Snover2: That is Snow.

Squirtle: What?! That giant snow tree thing is Abomasnow!

Snover2: Oops! Don't be a Halt!

"Haaaaaaaaallllltttt!!!"

"Aaaaaauuuuggghhhh!"

Snovers: That was a JOKE, Squirtle be FROZEN, just let it go, let it go!

2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.

Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.

I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married? The wedding ring.

What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.

What does a perverted frog say? "Rubbit."

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.

How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.

Let's play carpenter! First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.

What do you do when your cat's dead? Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

How is life like toilet paper? You're either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

What is Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off.

What did the leper say to the sex worker? "Keep the tip."

What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam.

What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas.

Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes.

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

What did one butt cheek say to the other? "Together, we can stop this crap."

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator.

Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.

So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"

Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.

What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"

Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.

Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.

Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???

Daina (😌): I know, right?

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

We all know Steven can’t post on here because he can’t pass the robot test.

You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line, he comes across a woman who isn't saluting.

"Why are you not saluting like the others?" Hitler barks.

"Mein Führer, I'm the nurse," she responds. "I'm not crazy!"

Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.

He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.

He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.

Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."

A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."

"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.

After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde, and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard, and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde, and she struck the pervert."

The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me, and she slapped him."

The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark, and she slapped me by mistake."

The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."