Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
A: Nothing! He was hung over.
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?
Be there or B2.
why did the skeleton not go the ball? Because he had no body to go with
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.
Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."
We are drunk at the party. There was an ass-ton of drunk girls there with me.
My favorite toast for parties:
May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.