Q:what's the hardest thing about losing your virginity A:making sure she doesn't wake up
There’s no I in sex but there’s a U in cum
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm she said “ is it because I warned him when hottness came” I said “ no, you don’t shut up
when it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!!!"
my boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and a I still have to ask him thinks like that becuae i so distraked from him
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
TFW you're having sex with your german girlfriend and she won't stop telling you here age
i will never forget my girlfriends last words..."get off of me STOP"*slurp*...Dead
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby
I don't have a girlfriend
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
What did batman say to roben before they got in the car? - Get in the car
I was always to I’m to small to ride but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5
Fishing is like sex when it is great it is great when it is not so great it is still great!
if your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top-of-ya
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A: M
Holmes said, look up Watson what can you see?
Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A:M
What else Watson
It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow
What Else Watson
What am I supposed to see Holmes?
Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
eventually find me attreventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually fineventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.d me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.eventually find me attractive.active.
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh this handles so well !" they exclaimed. Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear ended them. Passenger said to his partner. " You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent cuz we're going to sue him !" So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said "What do you want wimp? " The gay said ," You just hit our new Pink Porsche and we're gonna make you pay every single cent cuz we're gonna sue you!" The trucker said " Oh yeah ? Blow me ! " Gay driver went " Ohhh!" And ran back. Gay partner asked him " What did he say ?" His fruitcake driver said " Ohhh! Its wonderful, he wants to settle out of court !"
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?
Call her on the phone.
