Partner jokes
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.
Why is it hard having a relationship with an astronaut?
Because they are always so distant. :-]
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.
What do you say to your partner with diabetes?
Hey, sugar!
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said, "Na Br O."
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
Wife: Honey, I love you.
Husband: I love you all.
Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!
Why did Karen leave me?
Because I was a mushroom.
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.