Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
Why do shows have a family? Because they are "Pair-rents"!
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have another pair of balls.
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."
The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"
The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? They were only two.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
Why do golfers bring an extra pair of socks? In case they get a hole in one.
Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?
1 scent.
I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?
2 pears.
I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?
3 coppers.
I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?
4 Lincolns.
I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?
NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?
And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.
Have you seen the Justin meme?
Yeah, the ones that cracked at Fortnite?
Just-in time for deez nuts.
Bruh.
But actually, it's a parody.
Wait, actually?
Parodiesnuts (pair of deez nuts).
If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.
Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one.
Why was the belt placed under arrest?
For holding up a pair of pants. 🤣
