Overeating jokes

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."

A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.

The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.

I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.

The twin towers: No, it won't.

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    • A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

    What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

    "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"

    Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"

    A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

    The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

    The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

    The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.

    How do you make a body disappear?

    You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

    P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

    Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

    Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

    Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

    Son: Mom, I’m blind.

    Mom: Exactly.