So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
A group of friends went outside to pick up stuff. One of the friends said, "It is windy as heck out!"
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.
Want to hear an inside joke? I walked into a house.
Want to hear an outside joke? I walked out of that house.
outside lmao.
-inside gang sucks. This joke was made by outside gang.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
My dad told me I'm a failure.
I failed a math test.
Good thing there's a pole outside my house.
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?
Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.
Yo mama's so poor, I knocked on the front door of her house and realized I was already outside in her backyard!
