Outside jokes

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"

What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?

Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.

Yo mama's so poor, I knocked on the front door of her house and realized I was already outside in her backyard!

Yo mama is so smelly that whenever she steps outside, she pollutes the air!

There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!

Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?

A: They don't belong in buildings.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.

Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!

Yo mama so dumb when the weather said "it's chili outside," she went inside a goal, small and a bowl.

Why did the blonde run outside naked?

She thought the steam was a gas leak.

On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."