Outside jokes
I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.
What do you call that big, useless piece of skin attached to the outside of a vagina?
A woman.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On a school bus, the pricks are on the inside.
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
5 knock knock jokes from best to corny.
1. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help getting in the door.
2. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Scold. Scold who? Scold outside, let me in!
3. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mikey. Mikey who? Mikey isn't working, can you let me in?
4. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Says. Says who? Says me, that's who!
5. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?
That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."
Why did the orphan go outside the school?
Answer: Because it was take your parents to school day.
Where do rabbits sleep?
In the junkyard outside.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
Why is Donald Trump like a creamsicle?
He's white on the inside.
He's orange on the outside.
And then there's that stick!
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.
So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"
On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.