Outing jokes

I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.

I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

Why should you abuse the hell out of an orphan? Because what are they gonna do? Tell their mom or dad?

My uncles like the moon.

He comes out at night.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*

Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”

Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”

Teacher: “Why?”

Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

I rate my dad as a pilot 9 out of 11.

If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?

The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

How do you get the depressed kid out of the tree? You cut the rope.

Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

Gf: Just lying in bed.

Bf: Just lying in bed?

Gf: And eating cereal.

Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

Gf: Eat my cereal.

Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.

How do you get two deaf people from fighting?

Turn off the lights and walk out.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.