What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
Outing Jokes
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."
Prince will be coming back in 10 mins here is a joke.
Gwen: Prince sorry but I'm wanting someone else instead. You've just been a complete jackass toward me, sorry good night.
Prince: Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: Good night!
Prince: Why?
Gwen: Because...now good night!
Prince: We can work some things out?
Gwen: Nope...NOW GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!
To be continued
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.
One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”
What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
My favorite sex position is the “JFK,” I splatter all over her as she screams to get out of the car 😂
Why do orphans play GTA?
To be wanted.
Why do orphanages give out free phones?
So you can press the home button.
"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."
I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.
The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.
Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
What's the difference between an air blower and Little Boy?
When the air blower blew, it did not wipe out Hiroshima.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!
