I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.
Outing Jokes
I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.
I heard helium won the lottery. Turns out, he lied.
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!
Why is Jupiter so big? Because it works out!
Why are the towers working out? They have big thighs!
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"
What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
"Ryan, come out to play-ee-ay!!"
I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
What did the skeleton pull out from behind his ear?
Nothing. Skeletons don’t have ears.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
