What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
Outing Jokes
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!
Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.
I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.
A man walks into a bar... and he never walks out.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.
Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?
Rabbi: Fuck the children!
Priest: Do we have time?
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.
Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
I got kicked out of flight school, so I decided to learn from the experienced pilots (Isis).
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the kitchen?
Because he kept dropping the BEETS!
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”
The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an apology.
