Outing jokes

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

Why was the emo kicked out of the Carnival? Because he was cutting in line.

"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.

"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.

Why did your emo mom get you?

To have someone to hang out with.

Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.

A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"

Yo mama so ugly... when she went to the haunted house... she came out... WITH A JOB APPLICATION!

What goes in small and soft?

And comes out big and hard?

A tea bag.

What do you call a gay dwarf?

Coming out of the cupboard.

What is something in common with gay people and ambulance trucks?

They both take it out the back and go "woo woo!"

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

I know why Stephen Hawking loves Transformers so much now.

Autobots, "Roll Out!"

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.

What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.