An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
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Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up? Kid 1: I want to be a fire fighter kid 2: I want to be a police officer kid 3: i want to be dead like both my parents Teacher: ok everyone pull out your books Kid 4: are we going to ignore what he said? Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
Once an orphan purposly fell out of a tree, he forgot his parents wouldnt catch him
Why did the orphan fall out of the tree? They thought their parents would catch them
For all those Simpsons fans out there this one I'm sure you know Abe: It's rotten being old. No one listens to you Lisa: It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you Homer: I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me-- no matter how dumb my suggestions are
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates? If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like usa and China and the rest of the west!
Girlfriend:Babe what do yo think of our love? Me:Look at the stars in the sky Girlfriend:aww... it’s infinity right? Me:No,it’s a waste of time. Girlfriend:I’m breaking up with you. Me:Whatever when I take out the trash I think of you
yo mama so fat that when went out in high heels she came back in flip flops
Teacher:Anyone missing Orphan:My parents Teacher: Something that is real kid Orphan:My family Teacher:OMG out of my classroom kid
Me: hey do you want to see my grandma. Friend: yeah sure Me: *pulls out gun*
i just got kicked out of the fucking library for putting the womens right in the fiction section
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles, His teacher asked "Three birds where sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said "No, but I like the way you think!" Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said "Little Johnny!" He replied "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say.
“Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say.
“Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.
wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says "mom come quick I'm walking on water" and the mom runs in and says I knew evon whatent yo daddy I ain't never slept with h a day my life
you know the phrase "one mans trash is another mans treasure"great phrase,Bad way to find out your adopted
my mom asked me if i was okay so i replied i will be an jumped out the window!
how do you get a emo out of the tree
you cut the rope
