Otherness jokes
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
I went to the zoo the other day and it only had one dog... yeah, it was a shih tzu.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
Person 1: Omg, my blind boyfriend cheated on me.
Person 2: What did you expect? Him to see other hoes...
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
Why did Trump's brain cross the road?
Oh wait, there is no other side.
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
1. Full name: John.
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
What did one astronaut say to the other astronaut after landing on the Moon?
"Ah! And people thought we were moons!"
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
Trust.
Cannibals sucking each other's dick.