Otherness jokes
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
What did one orphan say to the other orphan?
"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
When rejected:
That's ok, the 3 other little pigs said no, too.
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.