OR jokes

Beef

    • Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?

    'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?

    Explorer

    • Three unlucky jungle explorers were captured by a band of cannibals. Whilst being tied to three respective stakes, the chieftain announces that the hapless adventurers were about to die.

    "After you're dead, you'll be skinned. The skin will be used to increase our canoe armada, and the rest of you will be food for us and our families."

    This announcement was met with gasps of despair from the bound trio.

    "There is one small favor I can offer you," the chief went on. "We'll let you choose your own method of death from what we have captured from other explorers."

    Some of the tribal members begin walking by, displaying various implements of war and death.

    The first explorer chose a crusty-looking musket. Thankfully, the powder load still fired, and he was dispatched without much fuss.

    The second chose a knife and quickly drew it across his throat.

    Both carcasses were hauled off by various tribesmen.

    The third explorer stood there resolute and deep in thought.

    After a few moments, the chieftain said, "There is no escape, you need to decide now, or I'll decide for yo..."

    "Do you have a fountain pen in any of that junk?" the explorer interrupted?

    Baffled, the chieftain sent two of his men to rummage. They came back bearing the pen and a bottle of ink.

    When the explorer noticed the ink was Noodler's Baystate Blue, his grin spread from ear to ear.

    Gathered round the explorer, spears in hand, the cannibals looked on as he was released and set to work filling the pen with ink.

    Confused, the chief began to speak, "I'm afraid we have no paper, and even if you wrote a final letter, we'd have no way of sending it anywh..."

    Cackling with triumphant glee, the explorer raised the pen into the air and began ramming it into his torso, nib first, again and again. He then fell upon the ground gasping a death rattle.

    Horrified, the chief drew close as the man beckoned him for one final word.

    "But why this painful death? When you had so many other more merciful options?" the chief asked.

    Laughing, the man gasped his last statement into the chief's ear, "You'll make no boats from me now, and your mouths will be blue for months!"

  • 2

    • Mute

    • Today I asked my best friend what their favorite joke was. They started waving their hands around, and I thought it was a sign to go, thinking I had offended them or something. Turns out they were mute...

  • 0
    • OR memes

    Plane

    • Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?

    Someone turned off flight mode.

    (Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)

  • 1

    • Chess

    • Why does Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess?

    He can't choose between black or white.

  • 3

    • Teacher

    • Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

    Me: Wow, they found the body already?

    Dad: :/

  • 0

    • Personal space

    • Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

    Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

    A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

  • 0

    • Incest

    • When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

  • 1

    • Orphan

    • Orphan joke protest! Orphans are nice and kind, so stop joking about them!

    Sign a comment and put me or anything else to protest about!

    Good luck, Jake.