OR jokes

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?

Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?

What shows do orphans dream of?

Full House or Fuller House.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

Why can't England play Clash, Chess, or Checkers?

Because they lost their queen.

The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!

What did the rapper say to the microphone?

"You better DROP THE BEAT, or I'll drop YOU!"

Is it just me, or can I see the Roman Empire from how far back your hairline goes?

Some rules of childhood cricket:

1. Whose bat, his batting.

2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.

"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"

"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)

Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.

Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?

Because all they can do is mandate.

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”

I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.