OR jokes

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

Why was the orphan so successful?

When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!

"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"

If you have a teacher who is a Karen, comment what the worst thing that they did to you or your entire class. I know this isn’t a joke, but why not?

This joke is short, or is it 🍭 that your LOL lipop?

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

They have no mother's or father's day.

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.

But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

Do you want to wear my sombrero?

Or is that nacho style?

Is "buttcheek" one word, or should I spread them?

Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."

Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."

Bully: "Haha, nice joke."

Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."

Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."

Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."

Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?

What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?

They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.

WOULD YOU RATHER:

Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?

or

Drink a gallon of sperm?

Would you rather:

Fight Mike Tyson

Or

Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?