One jokes
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
Jeffrey Epstein was a horrible person, but at least he killed Jeffrey Epstein.
"Chris, I just saw five fat people, and you are one of them."
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
Opinions are like orgasms. The only one that matters is mine and I don't care if you have one.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
What is the difference between a man peering through the keyhole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is nude and Rosy.
Who were the people that survived 9/11?
The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.
Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.
That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:
Why do orphans miss every hit? Because no one is cheering for them.
One, I grow some som more, yea, I am 4. I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, I'm Caillou, that's me.
Which way do gay men walk?
One Direction.
What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.