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A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said "Chinese food," so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Indian," so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.

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    • You tell your dad what one plus one is and he says five. You forgot that your dad's brain is on the floor.

    One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

    I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.

    One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

    Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

    One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

    To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

    Daughter: Mommy?

    Mom: Hey.

    Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?

    Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.

    Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

    One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

    One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.

    Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.

    I know what you did with your mom last night, the orphan. Nah, jit trippin', you thought I had one?

    One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

    One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

    Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

    Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

    Out of a total population of 1.3 billion, no one in Africa actually speaks "African."

    I know this isn't about glue, but here's one:

    Cardi B had a sister who was obsessed with fitness. Her name? Cardi O.

    Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

    No one:

    Literally no one:

    Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

    Anyone else know that Hitler had only one testicle?

    Maybe that's why he killed himself. Bro could never get any bitches!