One jokes
I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.
It's a sad state of affairs.
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, "I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?"
Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!"
The teacher grabbed Billy and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, "Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I KNEW that damn thing had wheels!"
This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ
"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."
Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(
Like this if one of your family members is emo!
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?
Because that's the average classroom size.
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
Why is Jesus in pieces?
Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.
I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
It's not nice to make 9/11 jokes. My uncle died in 9/11...
He was one of al qaeda's best pilots.
If Hitler had a cooking channel: Step one... Turn on the gas.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.
What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.