Yo mama's so old, her social security number is one.
Why is September 11th an awesome birthday to have?
Because no one forgets it! :)
One day, a man visited an orphanage.
Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"
The kid cries even harder.
What was the African kid with water called...? The lucky one. 😭😭
Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."
Pick up lines.
"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"
"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.
She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."
Son said, "But I can't see."
Mom said, "That's the point."
