One jokes

What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.

What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.

Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.

When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.

Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.

Anyone know what happened?

Ok guys, I have one last joke (for now).

What do you call it when Panera is over?

Panera end.

You know you have twisted humor when you crack a smile when a Minecraft farmer says he separates the white sheep from the colored ones.

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

Your mama has slept with so many guys, she's starting to look like one.

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?

Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.