Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask. Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.
What’s the difference between a basketball player and an orphan? One has a home to run to
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭
Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one, and let the other one off.
Why don't orphans play tag
Because there's no one to catch
Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one
joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
why are orphans good at dodge ball no one misses them
why do orphans love chips,they love the family sized ones too
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
whats the difrents betwen a crimanl and a orphan ones wanted and ones not
I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.
